Excerpts of E book Number One : Only For The Lonely

Only For The Lonely by J EF Rose

Sidney found himself in a gigantic ballroom filled with glorious people all in silver super saturated black and white nitrate celluloid. Everyone seemed to be there. Every dead person that is. It was as if the Shining Plains of High Heaven was a Fairawayland movie set! Sidney staggered through the crowds of gloriously beautiful people dressed in all their opulent best. He collided with Laurence Pendragon and his wife Marianne. Laurence Pendragon stood tall and regal. He was dancing with his wife. The beautiful couple smiled down on the short, pudgy, funny looking scientist.

“Oh we did not know you were coming Sidney” Laurence said in that famous voice of his: steely as cold wire on a frosty day.

“Where is Elsa! Tell me!” the pudgy man shouted fiercely.

“Oh my dear boy! To calm down” Marianne replied blandly. “I think they went over…..there…. through those doors onto the balcony for a moonlight scene.” The Pendragons then blandly resumed dancing, two radiant people in love and happy at last.

Sidney shoved his way though the horde of radiantly beautiful people. Wisteria Rosemont waved her trademark wispy scarf at him while dancing as her dresser and makeup woman held her little dog. “Doesn’t she look radiant?” the aging homosexual dresser and aging spinster makeup woman said as they watched their mistress waltz. “So beautiful! Forever beautiful!”

Sidney ignored everyone and forced his way passed Prince Puski and Queen Maeve toward the doors leading out to the balcony. The moonlight shone on the silhouettes of two persons. Sidney forced his way through the doors as the man swept the woman into his arms as if to kiss her. They were standing precariously on top of the balcony. And the fall from that moonlight gilded balcony was a million miles all the way to the Fiery Fissure!

“It is only for the lonely can see the Blue Moon” Daffy whispered to Elsa as he held her tight in his arms. “Only the desperately lonely can see the Blue Moon. See? See? There! In the black velvet of the nighttime sky!” Daffy pointed toward the shimmering moon dressed in ghostly mists like a veil of blue chiffon over a moonstone. “Only people like us can see it. It is only for the lonely people of the world Elsa. Misfits. Doomed to never fit in. Never able to be happy. Never able to feel safe or warm or content. No matter how hard we try! And we did try didn’t we Elsa! We tried! We tried! No one can say we did not try! But it is only for the lonely to see the blue mists so cold and clammy as they veil the sun to keep us oh so cold! So cold! So lonely and so cold …. and desperately unable to ever be really warm or truly happy! All of our lives Elsa! All of our lives we have shivered unloved and lonely! So lonely! So cold and so lonely!”

Each word was dank and clammy. Elsa was shivering as the words wrapped themselves around her as if a shroud. She felt that every word drained away inch by inch her life. She shivered as her legs started to buckle, dizzy, even as the deadly drop below her feet beckoned her to jump.

“Only we feel the pull of Blue Moon Elsa” Daffy whispered as he held her in his strong arms. Tears gleamed on his pale cheeks, his long black eyelashes drenched with crystal tears. “Only we feel the pain. The exhaustion. The burden of continuing to try to live in a world that we cannot fit into! A world that does not want us! Does not love us! Not us! Not the ‘us’ we know we are! The ‘us’ the world would loath if it could really see ‘us’! The masks off! The phony show played out! The fake facade ripped off! The playacting over! At last! At last! Let us just let go and let the Blue Moon pull us toward it’s blue oblivion!”

“Yes! Yes!” Elsa whispered, all strength gone, exhausted by overwhelming despair. Daffy Gilbert-Blackheart kissed her gently as he prepared to jump with her locked in his arms into the abyss.

“Stop!” Sidney exclaimed. “Elsa. Come back to me! Come back to me! I love you Elsa!” Sidney held out his bandaged hands to Elsa who faintly turned around to see the funny, pudgy, un-heroic man hold out his arms imploringly to her. “I love you! I love you!”

The weakened girl sagged in the ghostly arms of the tall, dark, and handsome Dark Star as her eyes struggled between the two men. “Don’t look at him” Daffy whispered as he held her. “Don’t listen to him! I need you! Only you can see it too! The Blue Moon! The Blue Moon!”

“She only sees what you see Daffy!” Sidney shouted. “She was happy before she met you here at this accurst studio!” Sidney exclaimed as he inched closer to the two people precariously tottering on the balcony. “Elsa loves life! Elsa loves the sun and the laughter and the joy of living! She does not see the torment you see! You are making her see your torment! Yours! Not hers! Elsa! Come to me! Come to me! I am here! Reach out! Here is my hand! Grab it! Hold on tight!”

“I am so cold” Elsa whispered. “I am so cold and I can’t remember ever being warm…. or loved…. or……. I …. want to ….. but…..”

Come to me! Here is my hand! Grab it! I will take you back to the sunlight and the joys of living in the real world. That is our world Elsa! The real world! Not this place! This ghostly place of spirits and nitrite silver! Not him! I know I am funny looking and I am not tall and dark and handsome but I am alive! Real! He is a ghost Elsa! A ghost! Not flesh and blood! He is a ghost of celluloid nitrite and quicksilver! He is a ghost haunting old silent movies! He is a ghost haunting your dreams! Take my hand! It is real!” Sidney held out both bandaged hands, the bandages now slightly bloody.

“I ….would…. but it would hurt you if I take your hand….” the weak girl whispered as the ghostly silent screen movie star held her as if in an icy vise.

“Don’t leave me! Please” Daffy whispered. “I just want to be loved! I just want to be loved! I just want to be held in warm arms safe and warm in love! Not shoved into a dark closet! Not shoved out into a dark alley to shiver so cold, so cold, so cold…..”

Elsa’s eyes turned from the shadowy ghost to Sidney, then back to the creature of movie magic.

“I ….want….to ….wake ….. up ….now!”

Daffy abruptly let go even as Sidney reached up and grabbed her. Elsa collapsed into his pudgy arms as the injured man dragged her down to the safety of the balcony stone floor. Then groaning with pain, Sidney awkwardly swept his wife up into his arms and carried her through the whirling ballroom filled with shining, beautiful people, all shining in glorious black and white nitrate. The ghost of Gilbert-Blackheart wailed up at the blue moon, arms outstretched, as if as child begging to be picked up and held warm and safe in his mother’s arms.

“Deep down inside this false face of a man is a black heart of a bruised and battered soul. All of my life has been black and the only moment of shining light I have never known as been you” he whispered as one hand just brushed his heart before casting off a kiss-like gesture as if a heart breaking. Then Horsham ‘Daffy’ Gilbert-Blackheart fell backwards in a dead fall, plummeting down, down, down, down, into the black vortex of his own black heart.





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